Human Pincushion

Alright, readers/followers. This is the scoop. I am done with the Lupron!!!!!!!!! Those 6 weeks were killer. It probably wouldn’t have been so bad if it weren’t for the fact that I already give 4 shots a day of insulin anyway. I literally felt like a human pincushion! I’m so happy I’m done.

I went for a follow up appointment on Monday, and my doctor was very happy with what he saw. The Lupron did exactly what he wanted it to and shut down my system. My
ovaries shrunk (back to a normal size) and my cysts shrunk immensely…some of them may have even gone away. So…I’m starting on another cycle of Femara and Clomid this time around. He increased my Clomid by another 50mg/day. I start this on Friday. On days 9 & 11, I am going to take a Cialis. No…I don’t have erectile dysfunction. HaHa. I go back next Friday, 1/16 for a follicle check, and providing was the ultrasound shows, I’ll get my trigger shot.

As I have said in the past, my doctor doesn’t do things ‘by the book’ all of the time. He said that he doesn’t know where he came up with this protocol, but he is happy that he did. He has a patient that has been TTC for 7 years. They tried everything…all the way to IVF, and they just couldn’t get pregnant. He tried this protocol on her, and she got pregnant on the first try. This was just a month or so ago. He told me yesterday that since then, it has worked for one more of his patients. It obviously works, so let’s just hope/pray hard that it will work for me too. I have a good feeling about this month. Let’s hope that it isn’t false hope yet again. Stay tuned.

Lupron Crap...

It’s been a while since I posted….mainly because I have some unwanted readers on this blog, but what can ya do right? I’m not going to let them get in the way of keeping all of my friends and family informed on what is going on. I can say though that this blog will most likely be on hold for the next 1 ½ to 2 months.

This last cycle was crazy insane. I did my regular Femara and Clomid combo, but did it a little later in the game because of problems with breakthrough bleeding on the BCP and my body not wanting to cooperate. So, I went on Election day to get an ultrasound for a follie check. There were some “wanna-be’s” (as my doctor and his nurses call it) there on the left side. I had a couple of 13-14mm, which was a good start. There was nothing at all on the right side. He wanted me to go back 6 days later to have another check and get the Hcg trigger to trigger the ovulation. Well, I go back 6 days later (this past Monday) and the ones on the left side had shrunk and there was a new one on the right side that was 16.57mm. He said that it should grow to the perfect size in about 2 days, and wanted to see me back again on Wednesday. So…I go back AGAIN on Wednesday. The left eggies were pretty much all gone, and the right one had shrunk. NOT THE RESULTS WE WERE EXPECTING! So….my doctor as frustrated to say the least. He said, “there is no way that you don’t have endometriosis. It’s gotta be that.” So, he wanted to schedule a laparoscopy. When I didn’t seem to excited about having a minor surgery, he said that he wants to do Lupron shots instead – which is the reason for this very post. I have to finish off 3 more days of my prometrium to bring on the ugly hag. On day 3, I have to start the Lupron injections 2 times a day for 6 weeks. I’ll go back to my doctor at 6 weeks for an ultrasound. If things look good, we are going to move on to another cycle, if they don’t, I have to do 2 more weeks of the Lupron.

So….I’ll be back….in a month or two. I’ll try to update if there is anything to update on.

Back On BCP

So, this cycle is definitely not going to work out. I’m back on BCP (birth control pill). My labs came back and my LH is higher than my FSH which gives us reason to why the eggs didn’t grow this time around. Now we just need to figure out why it is higher. So, I’m on the pill to suppress the LH. Hopefully I won’t have to do more than a month on it like last time. He also thinks that the metformin is counteracting all of my other meds. This popped into my head the other day, and him mentioning it just confirmed it even more. So, I’m also discontinuing the met. This may mean that I’ll have to increase my insulin dosages some of the time, but I’m going to try to avoid doing that.

My doctor and I are both upset. It’s not supposed to be this hard! He mentioned starting me on Follistim. He said that he thinks that may be our answer, but he wants to try it one more time without the met. The problem with doing injects is that I would have to be ‘outsourced’ to another RE. He is the only doctor in his office, which I love. However…because he is so busy by himself and needs to always be available for his mommies in labor, he can’t monitor me close enough. This makes me really sad because he is the most amazing doctor, but I’m sure that he will refer me to another great RE as well. The best part about all of that though is that I would be able to go back to him once we are pregnant. Let’s just hope that this next cycle works out though and we don’t have to worry about all of this.

Another Bust

This last cycle was a bust. I haven’t posted in a while because I was waiting to see what was going to happen. On Saturday, September 6th, I got a BFP (big fat positive) in the morning!!! I couldn’t believe my eyes. It was REALLY faint, but it was still there. Seeing as how we were out of town in Flagstaff for a wedding, I didn’t have any more tests with me, so we headed into town that morning to run some errands with my brother and sister in law, and I picked up another 2 tests. I tested as soon as I got back to the room, and the line was even darker. Definitely a BFP.
I had tested out my hcg trigger shot, so I knew that it wasn’t leftover from that. (trigger had been gone for a couple of days by the time I got these positives.) So, we were stoked. Hubby told me that he didn’t want to get too excited because of what happened 2 years previous (almost to the day). I told him that a line is a line, and given the fact that I got two in a row, I was almost positive that I was pregnant!
Well, I’m not….I guess you all figured that out by now by my lack of extreme excitement. I tested again that next morning….BFN. Again that night…BFN. I was devastated. My hopes were up so high, and they were squashed in the matter of minutes by that measly nagging one line. I couldn’t stop crying. I felt like I had completely let my hubby down. He, of course, comforted me, but I still felt awful. Why does it have to be so hard to start a family? There are so many whores, crack heads, and unwed, uncommitted couples out there that can get pregnant in the snap of a finger, and I can’t even manage to get pregnant?! It’s not fair. (Please refrain from telling me “life isn’t fair.”)
So, that’s it in a nutshell. I am not pregnant. Seems to be one of the only common factors in my life….

************************************************************************************

So, as I was writing my last post, my eyes were opened up. My mom, hubby and I all watched Meet the Robinsons the other night. (it’s not the first time I have seen it, but I could watch it a million times.) If any of you have seen it, you will know what I am talking about. There is a song that plays at the end of the movie called Little Wonders by Rob Thomas. (go listen to it!) that combined with Walt’s quote was enough to throw me overboard – it always does. The main part of his quote, and a quote that is supported through the entire movie is “Keep Moving Forward.”
If I give up, take a break or have a bad attitude about all of this TTC stuff, it may never happen. Now, I’m not saying that if I have a great attitude, my body will just start working, but it will help my mental health. I just need to keep moving forward and know that we will achieve pregnancy some day – hopefully soon! One day when we are holding our sweet baby, we will know that he/she is our biggest blessing and will cherish him/her.

“Around here, however, we don’t look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things… and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.”

–Walt Disney

Follies, Estrogen, Viagra, Oh MY!

Today’s follie check when pretty well. I’m trying to stay a little calmer this time around and not get too excited. The disappointment from the last cycle was enough to almost make me give up.

First, I showed him my chart from the last cycle. He said that regardless what the labs had shown (which he agrees were drawn too late) he feels that I did in fact ovulate! That’s great news. At least we are on the same page.

I had two really good follicles. He wants to give them another day and a half to grow, so I am going back tomorrow afternoon for my Hcg trigger. He said that my lining is too thin for implantation again. He is going to try the VivelleDot patches one more time. If it doesn’t work this time around, he is going to have me do Viagra suppositories four times a day starting the next cycle. Yikes! I didn’t even know that they did estrogen replacement via Viagra let alone that there were suppositories for it! We will see though. Hopefully I won’t even have to worry about another cycle.

I go on 9/9 for bloodwork to check for pregnancy. Keep your fingers crossed it comes back with high beta numbers!

On his way out of the room I told him to have a good remainder of the week off from the office, and he says “Have a good time getting pregnant.” He cracks me up sometimes. Oh, and he sang again this appointment, but I’m used to it now. :o)

When will this get any easier?

I'm Such a Crybaby

So, I normally try to be pretty collected during my fertility appointments. It was kinda hard for me today. The disappointment alone was hard enough, knowing that I had to face my doctor who was just as confident, if not more, in this last cycle than I was. Then, I just had to be scheduled for a day when there would be 3 different newly pregnant couples in the waiting room and 1 couple with their newborn son with them. It’s hard when you’re faced with that many pregos/new parents in one small room to keep from letting the bitterness wash over you. I was trying so hard…knowing that a bitter heart would do me no good.

Well, my doctor had to go deliver a baby this morning, so he was running a little late. So….I had to wait with all of these happy little couples that had everything that I desired so badly. I finally get into the appointment, spread eagle, and as he was talking about how well the last cycle was, I exploded. I couldn’t stop crying. I tried my hardest to hide it from him and his nurse, but his nurse noticed and slipped me some tissues. Then, my doctor noticed and felt bad for me. I felt like a huge crybaby. I apologized over and over, but they didn’t seem to mind.

Now that you read about my utter patheticness, I’ll get on with the plan. We are going to do yet another medicated cycle. We are going the Clomid and Femara combo again along with the HCG trigger, progesterone and anything else that may be appropriate. I have another appointment next Tuesday. Stay tuned…

Negative

Nothing to report. Negative on the bloodwork. Progesterone was higher than last time, but not high enough to prove that I O'd. I still think that I did. This is crap...

Best Appointment So Far!!!!!

I had the most amazing appointment today! I went in for my 2nd follie check…..expecting the worse, but still holding hope that it would be a little bit better than the worse. It was WAY better! The second the ultrasound started, my doctor let out a yell of excitement. I looked over, and there it was. A beautiful HUGE egg. Keep in mind that my body has NEVER produced a mature egg before, so we haven’t had this strong of an opportunity to conceive as most do…My doctor, nurse and especially me all got REALLY excited. He told me that the most mature of the follies was 23x22x19. “That’s a beauty” were his words. I’m soooo happy!

So, they gave me the HCG trigger today. He said that I should ovulate in about 38 hours….way to time it exactly, right? HaHa. So, at midnight tomorrow night, you know what I’ll be doing. :o) I start the VivelleDot patches again on Sunday morning. Those are the estrogen patches that will help create my lining to be a safe place for an egg to implant. (My lining is a little thin now.) I go on August 11th for blood work – mainly to see if I did O, but also to check for pregnancy. It might not detect the hcg hormone that early though. After my blood work, I start a progesterone. He has so much faith that this is going to work that he prescribed me 20 prometrium with 5 refills. HaHa. I hope that I’ll need it all! LoL.

So…now we are just in one of the waiting games. Please keep up the prayers, thoughts, finger crossings, or whatever it is you do!

"Trust"

Things are going great with this cycle so far. Most of you who know me know that I am a Christian. (While I my fail at being a perfect one at times, I still love God with all of my heart.) Well, lately the word “trust” has been given to me. I’m not just saying, I thought about it and figured I should trust Him. I mean, every minute of the day it is in my head. It’s like God is reminding me to trust Him and His plan. When I start to think negatively about all of the fertility junk, the word pops into my head until those thoughts go away. So….I’ve been deep in prayer the past week for God to open my eyes to what he has planned for the future of our family. He continues to tell me “trust.” Thanks, God! A little more clarification would be nice. LoL.

I had my doctor’s appointment yesterday to check on the follicles. I finished my last dose of Femara and Clomid on Tuesday night, and thought that there would be little or no response just 36 hours later. HOWEVER, I continued to pray to God to make my body cooperate, and He continued to tell me “trust.” I went for my ultrasound. I saw it right away…..some nice big follies!!!!! Even my doctor was impressed and excited. HaHa. They aren’t quite ready to trigger yet, but they are getting there. The largest was 17mm. My doctor wants me to go back on Tuesday (5 days later) to double check the follies and trigger if they are ready. I immediately started to worry that they would stop growing and “trust” kept interrupting my thoughts. HaHa. Ok. Ok. I get it!

So….completely enthralled with how my appointment went, I left the office in high spirits. I have better feelings about this cycle of meds than I have EVER had through all of these years of trying to conceive. Keep your fingers crossed that this will be it for us, and we will be holding a sweet baby boy or girl in the next 9 months or so!

In High Hopes

I went for my ultrasound today. Waited for a while because the nurse that ‘scheduled’ me didn’t actually schedule me. Let’s leave the scheduling to the front desk people. LoL. I eventually got in though. My lining is thick again, which is extremely weird given the fact that I bled unexpectedly for over two weeks. Oh well. He said that my ovaries look MUCH better which was great news to hear. He decided to go ahead and have me start the Clomid and Femara combination. This is the same combo that I was so hopeful for right before I found out that I had to go back on BCP’s. He said that he wants to try it even though I’m mid cycle. The only other time that I had great results (but no pregnancy) was when I took Femara mid cycle. We’ll see how this works! The most I have to lose is a hopeful spirit again. It seems that I have a lot of that going on these days though, so I would much rather try it than avoid it for the sake of sparing my feelings.

Still Waiting for Something to Happen

So, my doctor finally decided that 14 days of bleeding was a little awkward for someone who never has periods unless induced. HaHa. I’m going in next Thursday for an ultrasound so that we can figure out what the heck is going on with my body. Hopefully everything looks good and he can start me back on fertility meds. I’m a little concerned though because I’ve still be having some pressure and an uncomfortable feeling on my left side. I’m hoping that there aren’t any huge cysts again…

Check back next week for more updates.

Hello Again, Birth Control....

I just don’t freakin get it! I HATE being on BCP’s. It seems like such an oxy-moron. I know that so many people conceived after being on BCP for a couple of months, but at the moment, it hurts. I went to the doctor on Friday. My ovary went back to its normal size, so that’s good. My cysts did shrink, but only to about 1/2 the size that they were. My doctor started to write me a prescription for Femara again, but hesitated. He tossed it in the trash…..He gave me another month of free birth control pills. Lucky me! (insert eye roll here.) He apologized as he handed them to me. He said that he feels bad, but he doesn’t want to risk the cysts growing again, so he wants to try to shrink them more, if not get rid of them with another month of BCP. Providing everything looks good in a month, he will do the Femara/Clomid combo. We will see…..

Goodbye, Birth Control!

So, I am FINALLY done with the whole 4 weeks of the birth control. I'm really hoping that it took care of my situation and shrunk my cysts and ovary. We will soon see. I am now just waiting for AF to show up so that I can go see my doctor. I'm a little worried though. I had some discomfort on my right side as I did when they discovered my enlarged ovary. I'm REALLY hoping that it was either a fluke or my mind is just playing game on me. I REALLY don't want to take more birth control or have to do a surgery or something. :o(

Isn't Taking the Birth Control Pill Going a Little Backwards?

So, all of my labs came back. I'm obviously NOT pregnant. :o( I knew I wasn't, but miracles can happen, right? My doctor always says, "I've seen stranger things happen." Anyway, I had to start the birth control pill on Wednesday. I literally started crying when I took it....I know that he is having me do this for a month to benefit me and my cysts, but it just seems so counteractive. The part that sucks is that this is a different kind of pill. It is the kind that you take for 3 months so that you only have a period every 3 months. Well, he is just having me take the last months' worth, but that consists of 4 weeks of the regular pill and 1 week of the sugar pill (as opposed to the regular 3 weeks of the regular pill and 1 week of the sugar pill.) So....I won't be able to start back up with the fertility treatments for at least another 5 or 6 weeks....and that is based on if my body does what it is supposed to do while on the pill.....Ugh! This sucks!

My What Big Ovaries You Have

So, yesterday’s ultrasound appointment was not what I expected it to be. When my doctor looked, he freaked out when he saw my ovary. My left ovary is 7 times the size of my right ovary. I also have a huge cyst on it. The first question he asked me is “are you sure you didn’t ovulate?” Well, luck would have it that I took that cycle off from temping, so I’m not sure that I did and not sure that I didn’t. By what my last u/s with him said, I wasn’t going to. So, needless to say, I didn’t get my prescription for the Femara and the Clomid yesterday. He sent me to go get some labs drawn (Lh & FSH, progesterone and Hcg). Once he gets those back, I have to start birth control pills to get rid of the cyst and get my ovary back to its normal size. I’m REALLY bummed to say the least…..

Femara AND Clomid.....This is Going to be Interesting....

So, I went to my appointment today…absolutely dreading it. I expected that since my A1c levels were at 7.1%, my doctor would tell me that he is not going to treat me anymore such as all of my other doctors have told me when my issues weren’t easy to deal with. On the way to the appointment I couldn’t stop praying that God would just show my doctor which way he wanted to go with all of this. (So, I prayed last minute. Whatev! He hears me regardless of how close I am calling it.) Well, my doctor didn’t even flinch at the number. He said that he would like to see me get better control over it, but that was it. According to the American Diabetes Association, 7.1% is only one tenth of a percent high for a Type 1 diabetic.

My doc told me that I was probably going to think that he is crazy, but the work Glucophage (metformin) kept popping into his head when he was trying to figure out what to do for me. I told him that it didn’t sound crazy at all because my other doctor (endocrinologist) has suggested the same thing since I’m not only diabetic, but also insulin resistant. I explained that I had tried met in the past, but it just didn’t work for me because I was ALWAYS sick to my stomach while on it. He said that he is going to put me on glucophage XR…extended release…so that is releases over a longer period of time and isn’t harsh on my stomach.

He reminded me of his dream that he had a month or two back about how I got pregnant, and he had to keep a VERY close eye on my diabetes. Well, he told me today that he thinks that by him doing my A1c test and the word Glucophage popping into his head, God is kinda telling him what needs to be done before I get pregnant.

Along with that, he said that he wants to try Femara AND Clomid on this cycle. Ok….now I was thinking that he was crazy. Whatever! All that was running through my head at the time was, “Does he realize how much of an emotional mess I’m going to be?” You should see me on one or the other…now both of them combined is going to be wretched! My doctor said that he has REALLY good feelings about it though. He hasn’t failed me so far, so I mind as well trust him, right?

So….he gave me a progesterone shot again to bring on the flow…I’m going back on CD 3-5 for an ultrasound to make sure that everything looks good (or at least normal for me). Then., he is going to have me start on the Femara and Clomid. This should be fun….Stay tuned. I’m sure there is going to be a ton more to report.

BTW…no singing today, but he also didn’t do an ultrasound. HaHa.

Now…if you survived through this entire thing, I congratulate you! HaHa.

XoXoXo

On Hold

I got my labs done....My Lh levels are higher than my FSH levels, my estrogen levels are too low and my Hemoglobin A1c levels (diabetes related) are too high. I have an appointment with my doctor on Tuesday to talk about what we are going to do. Most likely, he is going to put my fertility treatments on hold. The nurse mentioned putting my on Glucophage. I'm okay with that providing they keep a close eye on my liver as this med is known to be bad on your liver. At first, I was REALLY upset at the thought of having to put my fertility treatments on hold, but after much thought, I'm a little more okay with it. I know that I should really be healthy before getting pregnant. I know that I should lose some weight, but it doesn't make it easy.

No Time to Mope Around

I went to the doctor yesterday for my CD3 ultrasound. Nothing really reported there…he was just checking things out such as the thickness of my uterine lining. He asked if A has been to get a semen analysis yet. When I responded with no (even though he has with another doctor) he told me that before we do anything else at all with me, he wants A to get checked out. This decision was based off of my labs that showed that I did not ovulate. Well…when I pointed out that I had started my period on my own without any type of progesterone shots or pills since I was 13 years old, his whole attitude changed. He said that I did in fact ovulate then….the labs were just done too late to tell. He hadn’t expected me to start my period for another 2 – 2 ½ weeks, so he didn’t know they would be too late. So, my doc was VERY positive from then on out. He decided to do another round of everything that we just did because he feels that my body responded very well to it. So….Saturday I will be starting Femara again. The following Friday, I will be going back for an ultrasound check to see what the status of my follies are. If they are mature, we will then trigger….or trigger once they are mature. :o)

This One Is A Bust....

Well, I started having some brown discharge last night and this morning. I called my doctor's office to see if they had the test results back yet. They never answered. Then, my brown rapidly changed to a red spotting. I called them again this afternoon, got a hold of a nurse, and she told me that the Hcg test came back negative. The part that upsets me even more is that the progesterone test shows that I didn't even ovulate. How in the hell do I have healthy follicles, trigger them, and I still don't ovulate?!?!? Whatever. So, she told me to stop wearing the vivelle dot patches and stop taking Prometrium. (I had only taken 1 dose of the 12 day prescription last night late.) She then continued to tell me to call her on the first day of a full flow period....well, much t my suprise, about 30 minutes after I hung up with her, the ugly witch showed up. This is kinda a good thing though. This means that my body did something it was supposed to! I have not had a natural period ever since I first started at 13 years old! So, I called my doctor's office again, and they have me scheduled for a CD 3-5 ultrasound on Thursday. I don't really know where we are going to go from here. For some reason, I have a feeling that when all is said and done, we are going to have to do invitro in the future. I pray that that is not the case though. We can't afford that, let alone do I want to wait that much longer.... Time will tell though. When I got to my appointment on Thursday, my doctor will most likely suggest doing a laprascopy along with a month long series of the Lupron shots. Check back on Thursday, and I will let you know how it goes.

I'm On The Patch. HAHA

I started wearing the Vivelle dot patches on Saturday. They are supposed to put more estrogen into my body while thickening my uterine lining and making it a safe place for our little bean to implant. I pray that this works. I'm going to be a little upset if we have gone through all of this just to end in a BFN. :o(